It's not my fault I live in the hippest neighborhood in the city, I swear. And thus, it's not my fault that I hit up this always-hopping, hipster haven at Valencia and 16th. Actually, I don't know what I was thinking. This was a terrible food experience, and one I never plan to repeat. Blech. Now, don't get me wrong, some of my most delicious events happened in Peru (eg. squash donuts; grilled heart), but overall, it was not exactly the most....memorable of my South American adventures. So I guess choosing a Peruvian restaurant in the city may not have been the best idea. But I was craving some causa. And the promise of fusion fancy food, plus a menu boasting ceviches and maracuya dressing, gave me a false hope of deliciousness that was, sadly, never to be fulfilled. I mean, the sa
shimi app I got was tasty and fresh, just a little mushy. So there are some points. But the ceviche (a secret passion of mine) was literally something you would use to maintain a 3-axled vehicle. I'm glad I tasted it first, because even a dab made my face shrivel up in involuntary sourpussness. After a couple of dares and a few elbow jabs, Spencer took the ceviche juice like a shot (as prepared), and I definitely attribute his later queasiness to that gut-wrenching, battery
acid of an appetizer. Well, I'm not sure why this was fusion, except for the fish I guess. Oh, and the teriyaki steak. Oh and the terrible mac and cheese....(no stretchiness = unAmerican). Even the causa was lame and filled with way too much chicken salad. Overall, it was like eating in a terrible, Hospital cafeteria lunch line, and that is not something worth paying for without a friend or close relative experiencing some sort of medical care-inducing illness. Blech again. Even the profiteroles (a recent indulgence of mine) were dissatisfying. The worst part was seeing all those fancy-footed idiots in the place pretending like it was the most delicious and exotic food they'd ever had. Final blech.Final Judgement: "All the hipsters cramming up the sidewalk and looking douchey outside this place like it's
the cat's meow lead me to conclude one thing:CHAIN-SMOKING TO FIT INTO SKINNY JEANS ONLY KILLS YOUR TASTEBUDS!"
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